King Juan Carlos tells Chavez to shut up, and a few random notes on political personalities

The BBC reports:

Mr Chavez called Mr Aznar, a close ally of US President George W Bush, a fascist, adding "fascists are not human. A snake is more human."

Mr Zapatero said: "[Former Prime Minister] Aznar was democratically elected by the Spanish people and was a legitimate representative of the Spanish people."

Mr Chavez repeatedly tried to interrupt, despite his microphone being turned off. The king leaned forward and said: "Why don't you shut up?"

A consummation devoutly to be wished. The man is a flaming loon. The BBC report adds that JC employed "a familiar term normally used only for close acquaintances - or children." I don't know what that's called in Spanish, but in French it would be "tutoyer," and it's a major slap in the face.

I've occasionally been asked why I "hate" Hugo Chavez. Of course, I oppose him politically because he's a puffed-up petty dictator, but on a personal level he doesn't inspire hate so much as disgust. Watching him in action -- prancing, posturing, chest-thumping, sweating, thrusting, bellowing, waxing oleaginous -- feels like being wedged into a crowded bus next to a pasty, goatish old man in a plastic raincoat who keeps rubbing his erection against my thigh. Watching most mainstream American politicians, like George Bush, Al Gore, and  John Kerrey in action, on the other hand, feels more like one of those dreams where I get to work and realize I forgot my pants. There are exceptions, of course:

• Watching Hillary Clinton is like getting yelled at by the gym teacher for not dressing out.

• Watching Bill Clinton is like being persuaded to buy an expensive set of encyclopedias that you know you'll never use.

• Watching Barack Obama is like having a grade conference with an affable B student who really wants to get into medical school.

• Watching Fred Thompson is like being smacked on the butt by a gregarious uncle.

• Watching Mike Huckabee is like saying the word "huckabee" over and over.

• Watching Mitt Romney is like . . . well . . . . I've never actually thought about watching Mitt Romney.

• Watching Rudy Giuliani is like being waltzed around the dance floor of a crumbling Venetian ballroom by an aging gigolo with a comb-over. Or going to bed with Niccolo Machiavelli and waking up with Thomas Hobbes.

• Watching Arnold Schwarzenegger is like exercising with Jack LaLanne.

• Watching Dennis Kucinich is like watching Dennis Kucinich (or the late Paul Simon after he's been put through a trash compacter).

• Watching Ted Kennedy is like watching a mound of earth trying to think of something important it doesn't remember it already forgot.

• Watching Donald Rumsfeld is like watching grandfather drop his pants in the Alzheimer's ward while the preschoolers are singing Christmas carols (a quality I greatly admire and hope some day to emulate).

• Watching Dick Cheney is like watching a mongoose size up a particularly toothsome snake.

Make your own contributions in the Comments.

Comments

[prairie biker]

watching giuliani is like being seduced by a serial philanderer who you already know will leave you as soon as he gets bored

[gail]

Or being waltzed around the dance floor by a gigolo with a combover.

[JWebb]

Watching Ted Kennedy's pronouncements on water torture is just jaw dropping.

[gail]

Like watching Jabba the Hut launch a campaign for public morality.

[Diana]

Watching Hillary is like ... watching Hillary.

[dorkafork]

Watching Ron Paul is like watching the X-Files.

Watching Chris Dodd is like watching paint dry.

Watching George Bush is like watching the Three Stooges.

Watching Nancy Pelosi is like smelling overly strong perfume.

[Diana]

Don't you just love Chris Dodd's eyebrows. I'm always mesmerized ... waiting for one to fall off.

[gail]

Dorkafork -- I love the Nancy Pelosi and the Ron Paul.

[HA HA HA]

heh! i cant hlep likign liek chaney too.

[Superjew]

Watching Dick Cheney speak is like watching the Legion of Doom come up with a viable plan.

[jackpine savage]

Watching Dick Cheney is like watching that really quiet neighbor who you're sure has a chest freezer full of body parts in his basement.

Watching Hillary Clinton is like seeing that same neighbor through the window prancing around in a pantsuit.

Watching Ron Paul is like enjoying the company of that crazy uncle at the family reunion.

Watching Mitt Romney is like suffering through insomnia with late night infomercials.

Watching Rudy Guilliani is like being stuck on a road trip with that friend who's seen goodfellas way too many times.

Watching Dennis Kucinich is like going to the other family reunion to hang out with the crazy uncle from the that side of the family.

Watching W. is like imagining what would happen if you threw a trillion dollars into the chimpanzee enclosure at the zoo.

Watching Barrack Obama is like being stuck in a college lecture with that kid who always raises his hand and then repeats what the professor said.

Watching Fred Thompson is like enduring a Law & Order marathon consisting of the shows that came after they ran out of good story lines.

[gail]

Jackpine, I love the Obama one! And the W. one.

[Rob B.]

Watching John Edwards is like watching the teen age Russian girls at the mall who try to sell you jewelery cleaner that you know "might work" but you really don't want or need, but without the girlish figure and more calculated hair.

[gail]

Calculated Hair would be a good band name

[jackpine savage]

Thanks,

I saw this thread at Crooks & Liars. I came over to see what people said, not planning on contributing...but then, well, i couldn't stop.

[gail]

Once you start, they just keep coming.

Seeing W speak is like watching the 3 stooges... with downs syndrome.