Scribal Terror

Need cheering up?

Why not set fire to a Mercedes?

Wizardry or incompetence? You be the judge

Net denizens have been deliciously amused by the story of a substitute teacher who claims he was fired for "wizardry" in Florida for making a toothpick disappear. This is certainly the only interesting part of the story and I can see why "weird news" types limit their coverage to the sub's allegations, but it is his word against the supervisor's:

Assistant Superintendent Renalia DuBose denied the district ever used the word wizardry in its dealings with Piculas and said the magic trick was far down the list of reasons the sub is not being asked back.

The district said in a letter to Piculas that he was being let go because he did not follow lesson plans, allowed students to use computers despite being told not to by another teacher, and he left a student in charge during his fifth-period class. (c) UPI

Now's his chance to prove it

London's new Conservative Party mayor, Boris Johnson, once told Britons that "voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts, and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3."
-- Time

Georgia is pissed

Via Wired. Ramifications, if any?

A story to watch

The WSJ reports:

What really happened in the Syrian desert near the Euphrates River on the night of September 6, 2007? The Bush Administration is finally due to answer that question today when it briefs Members of Congress. We've been hearing, and the press is now reporting, that the Administration will confirm that Israel bombed what the U.S. believes was a nascent plutonium-producing nuclear reactor being built with North Korea's assistance.

On being nice to pirates

The British are; the French aren't. Good for the French. As John S. Burnett, writing for the NYT, reports:

ON April 11, French commandos went in with guns blazing and captured a gang of pirates who days earlier had hijacked a luxury cruise ship, the Ponant, and held the crew for ransom. This was the French solution to a crime wave that has threatened international shipping off Somalia; those of us who have been on the business end of a pirate’s gun can only applaud their action.

The British government on the other hand, to the incredulity of many in the maritime industry, has taken a curiously pathetic approach to piracy. While the French were flying six of the captured pirates to Paris to face trial, the British Foreign Office issued a directive to the once vaunted Royal Navy not to detain any pirates, because doing so could violate their human rights. British warships patrolling the pirate-infested waters off Somalia were advised that captured pirates could claim asylum in Britain and that those who were returned to Somalia faced beheading for murder or a hand chopped off for theft under Islamic law.

Via Ace

Earthquake in Illinois

It woke up Paperclip. She said, "Why is everything shaking? Are we having an earthquake?" Nobody answered her because Mommy and Daddy didn't even WAKE UP dammit:

WEST SALEM, Ill. (AP) — A 5.4 earthquake early Friday rocked people awake as far away as Indiana, surprising residents unaccustomed to such a large Midwest temblor.

The quake just before 4:37 a.m. was centered 6 miles from West Salem, Ill., and 66 miles from Evansville, Ind. There were no immediate reports of injuries.

"It shook our house where it woke me up," said David Behm of Philo, 10 miles south of Champaign. "Windows were rattling, and you could hear it. The house was shaking inches. For people in central Illinois, this is a big deal. It's not like California."

The quake also shook tall buildings in downtown Indianapolis, about 160 miles northeast of the epicenter.

I am so disappointed I could bite someone.

And, by the way, the great San Fransisco earthquake occurred at 5:12 A.M. on Wednesday, April 18, 1906.

Update: Just felt an aftershock (around 10:20), so now I'm happy.

Mexico increases effort to keep out undocumented Central Americans

Yahoo reports:

Central Americans without documents now face increased security within Mexico, including checks on the train for stowaways. . . .

Isaac Castillo, owner of the Hotel La Posada in Arriaga, argues that Central American immigrants often end up working in Mexico, where wages can be double the few dollars a day they might earn at home.

"The problem isn't just in the U.S., but in Mexico, because a lot of Central Americans want to stay here and compete with Mexicans for jobs," he said.

Truer words were never spoken

When you reach 82 it is more dignified to crap yourself in a supermarket rather than be filmed hobbling around in a dressing gown in the middle of the afternoon with a bunch of teenage sluts. I, for one, would certainly prefer to soil myself in Tesco, given the choice. -- Harry Hutton reflects on the Hefner lifestyle on the occasion of the "monumental tit's" birthday

Chiquita blood money?

Douglas Farah reports:

The relatives of five American missionaries who were abducted and murdered by the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (FARC) have filed suit against Chiquita Brands International Inc., accusing the banana company of secretly financing and arming the rebel (and terrorist) group.

The lawsuit, filed in the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Florida, alleges the banana company knowingly and willfully provided the FARC with protection money and weapons in the late 1990s.

The case sheds much-needed light on the role that U.S.-based companies (and certainly others) play in fomenting conflicts that cost thousands of lives. Chiquita has admitted to being one of them. . . .

Here is the gist of what the law suit alleges, making it clear that the company never bothered to tell the grieving families of Chiquita’s role in funding the FARC. It may be enough to make you give up bananas, as it was for me:

Although Plaintiffs confirmed years ago that FARC was the entity or organization that carried out the kidnappings and murders, Plaintiffs did not learnuntil recently about Chiquita’s involvement in funding and providing other material support to FARC. Indeed, to this day, the full scope, including dollar amounts, timing, mechanisms, and anti-detection methods employed by Chiquita in connection with its FARC-related conduct is murky, and demands document and testimonial discovery.

It was not until March 19, 2007 thatPlaintiffs learned, through filings made public by the DOJ, in regard to Chiquita’s illegal payments to another Colombian FTO, that Chiquita had, in prior periods, made illegal and secretpayments to FARC as well. To conceal its unlawful conduct from both Colombian and U.S. authorities andprevent disclosure of the facts to Plaintiffs, Defendant funneled weapons to FARC (and assisted FARC in the transport of weapons) through Defendant’s local transportation contractors. As alleged above, Chiquita also falsified payroll records used to divert funds from non-existent employees to FARC, used existing contracts with legitimate organizations to bury and disguise 33 payments, or drew up phony contracts with legitimate vendors as a means of falsifying the payments and booking them as legitimate expenses.

As alleged supra, Chiquita also secretly concealed payments to local labor unionsthat it knew, or consciously avoided knowing, were controlled by FARC and made other clandestine payments through FARC-established fronts and dummy companies.