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Comments

gail

Jake,Let me know if you want any changes. I used my suggesstion for breaking the "One" off by itself,but tell me if that doesn't work.

JWebb

Nice work, Jake.

Ana

I'm thinking that when the "One" is off by itself, it gives different meaning than when it's part of another line. But I'll have to look at the original again.

The sound of it is etherial. The sh's and f's and s's all together like that. There, but not really. Very beautiful to listen to. Very few hard sounds or plosives (?).

Jake H.

It works fine Gail... In fact the 'One' by itself seems closer to the way I intended it. Thanks JWebb and Ana ...

SeanH

Very nice, Jake.

CraigC

What, do you think you're like a poet, or something, man?

penelopeHOLMES

Oh sure...it's fine for Gail to 'redecorate' your poem, but not me. But then...it IS Gail-- and not me.

Jake H.

Hey! You family members are supposed to be here under fake names praising my work to high heaven.. Get with the program..Whadda you think I'm paying you for ?

The rest of you.. pay no attention to this Penelope Holmes.. The last name is a coicidence.. I have never even met her.

Jake H.

CC I was channeling Wm. Carlos Williams in my dreams last night I think..

JWebb

Hope she's not pre-middle school, 'cuz that would make her elementary Holmes.

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