Scribal Terror

Boo

Zombie Robin: The End Is Nigh

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a dead man must be in need of a life," she read, before tossing the book aside and snorting, "Piffle! Reanimation is a madman's dream." *

"Perhaps" said he, "but would you say the same for the revival of some lesser creature?"

He didn't really want to tell her his suspicion that one little passage in the back of the book might be an actual instruction.

He also didn't want to admit how well the syringe fit into the palm of his hand.

"Well that completely depends," she answered, her back to him. "Which lesser creatures are you thinking of?"

"Well, let's take a look at what the cat dragged in" he responded.

"You don't mean that nasty robin! I put that in the trash."

"You know what they say: one man's trash..."

"...is another man's wife, yes, yes, I know, I know, but that's not important now.  And don't call me Shirley."

"Very funny" she answered flatly" No dear, I'm afraid the Robin wont work. Remember last year and the vampire problems we had ? I wasn't taking any chances this year. I drove a tiny stake through the evil bird's heart and cut off its head. So unless you want to spend all night stitching its little head back on, you'll have to go out and find some other miserable creature to do your little experiments on.. like a bum or a poor person or something." "Fine, fine." he answered in a resigned tone," and just where do you suggest I look for a dead street person at this ungodly hour?"

She started, "maybe you could try"

fwap, fwap, fwap.....

"Well hello Fluffy, what have you got there?" he said, approaching the cat, "is that another robin?"

 "It appears to be... an African Swallow!", she exclaimed,"But those are supposed to be non-migratory!

"Wow... What are the odds of that?" he said quietly to himself.

"What was that Dear? I didn't catch it.." she answered ,as she pried the still spasming bird from Fluffy's teeth, eliciting a small spray of bright red blood across her Issey Miyaki silk blouse.

"Good girl Fluffy.. Give the bird to Mommy.."

"Oh nothing really.." He responded, " Just that you're right, that IS an African Swallow and YES, they are non-migratory... As a matter of fact, about the only place you'd find one around here would be Rick's Undead Bar up on Crowley and Thelema. They serve them as snacks with their marrow martinis as I recall..." He smiled briefly to himself remembering the wild times he'd had there in his younger years. " My point is, just as I'm faced with the question of where to come up with a dead body, fate brings me a token, pointing me to Rick's. What are the odds?"

"Yes, quite a coincidence, Dear.. I suppose you'd better run up there for your body, but don't stay long and do be careful. I've heard that a rough crowd hangs out there.. Dead Priests and Carnies and the like.. Just watch yourself is all I'm saying " she warned, " You're not as young as you used to be but you are still breathing.." A faint, sly, enigmatic smile crossed his face and was gone. "For the time being", he thought to himself, " for the time being..."

 

The Ones With Nipples Are Pretty Nasty

Reuters reports (via Fark):

Police in northeastern Iran are launching a new morality drive by confiscating alluring mannequins from boutiques and clothes stalls in the bazaar, authorities in the city of Bojnourd said on Monday.

A spokesman for the city's judiciary, who asked not be named, explained the drive would tackle problems of "public chastity". Sixty five mannequins have been impounded so far.

Heads Up

The Major has important advice on winterizing your artillery.

Western Bias Rears Its Ugly Head

Jihad Watch reports that the Vatican has publicly  referred to the beheading of three Indonesian girls from a Christian high school as  "barbaric." Dang, talk about Christocentric.

The Babel Fish Has Arrived

CMU (Carnegie-Mellon University) computer science graduate student Stan Jou, 34, of Shadyside, stood before the audience yesterday morning with 11 tiny electrodes affixed to the muscles of his cheeks, neck and throat.

The Taiwan native then mouthed -- without speaking aloud -- the following phrase in Mandarin Chinese: "Let me introduce our new prototype."

The sensors captured electrical signals from Jou's facial muscles when they moved to form the silent Chinese words. In a matter of seconds, this information traveled to a computer that recognized the words and translated them into English and Spanish. The phrase was then displayed on a screen and spoken by the computer in both languages.

This is InterAct, a translation system right out of Hitchhiker's Guide, which, in real world application, would display translations on the inside of a set of "translation goggles" that, according to Engaget:

lipread other languages and subtitle your field of vision with translated text, or focused-sound translation “beams” that can make a room of internationals like a wireless, computerized session of the UN.

 

The door is open

Come on in and talk.  Or drop off one of your random bursts of verbal energy -- poem, limerick, story, top ten list, clerihew, essay, rant, Surrealist or Dadaist poem, parody, cento, dirty joke, amusing syllepsis, dirty syllepsis, haiku, dirty haiku . . . to share.

Note: My internet connection has been unreliable and pissy lately, so if blogging remains light, make a voodoo doll of Insight Broadband and stick pins in it for me. Happy Halloween!

The Night Owl Senses a Disturbance in the Farce

Thanks to costumier extraordinaire, Dorkafork.

The Zombie Robin Thirsts for an Ending

Tomorrow is the day the Zombie Robin story must come to an end for good or ill. Can anyone step up to the plate and scare the pants off the rest of us for Halloween? I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to something apocalyptic down at Rick's.

Stylin'

Composer Nico Muhly, who has been compared to Philip Glass with a liberal dash of Spike Jones, has written an "operatic song cycle" based on Strunk and White's "The Elements of Style." It premiered on Oct. 19 in the New York Public Library. One of the songs goes, ""Do not use a hyphen between two words that can better be written as one word." Catchy ain't it?