"Those eyes will be the death of me.." thinks the alchemist, staring intently at the tiny photograph cupped carefully in the palm of his hand. He holds the picture close, protected from the rain that falls perpetually in his town, soaking his clothes and dripping from the brim of his hat. Through this tiny doorway he feels himself fall through a hole in the fabric of life to a place that existed long ago if at all. A time when, for one moment, the raindrops stopped and a ray of pure sunlight broke through the grey belly of the clouds and lit the world in technicolor fire. Across the table he studies her. Frozen forever in mid sip . On the surface, the mask.. cool and controlled, gives away nothing. The eyes say it better though. Glancing up, blue windows open upon a gentle, timid soul.. "It's me ! look at me!" it sings.. "Tell me who I am.. Tell me of the magic you see, because without you, I fear the mirror is empty.." Returning now to the day to day world he gently folds the worn picture and returns it to the safety of pocket next to his heart.
In the distance fingers of lightning dance along the skyline. He counts the seconds to the crack.. "A storm is coming" he thinks to himself. But even as this thought is formed, a single ray of sunshine , breaking through, pierces the dark... An omen.
No one has a thought on this ? I brought this in for some criticism, constructive or otherwise, from people that write and this is what I get.. Nada.. Zip.. Nothing.. =)
OK, let me pose this question.. Someone read this and misunderstood my meaning with the line "because without you, I fear the mirror is empty.." . She took it to mean that 'she' felt like she was nothing without me... but the way I meant it was that 'He' (L'Alchimiste) saw in her a magic and a beauty that she couldnt even see in herself, and he nourished her self esteem... her ego.
Do you like "... because without your eyes, I fear the mirror is empty.." better? Or "..without your eyes to see, I fear.."
It's usually enough just for me to know what I mean, but in this case language is a source of misunderstanding at a time that I really dont want to be misunderstood.
Any thoughts now ?
Posted by: Jake Holmes | June 30, 2006 at 07:47 AM
Sorry Jake, I got nothing. But if you need something fixed I'm your go to guy.
I think everbody else is gone on vacation.
Posted by: Lloyd | June 30, 2006 at 11:06 AM
Hahaha!Thanks Lloyd.. at least I know there's someone alive out there =)
Posted by: Jake Holmes | June 30, 2006 at 12:55 PM
Jake!
Posted by: MC | June 30, 2006 at 09:34 PM
Sorry, Jake. I've been swamped. I'll repost it when I can do it more justice.
Posted by: gail | July 01, 2006 at 04:15 PM
MAC!!!
Posted by: gail | July 01, 2006 at 04:16 PM