Scribal Terror: Deuteronomic Strictures for Neck Patients

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. . . for thou shalt lie not upon thy back with one pillow lest thy lower neck and shoulders pain thee,

nor upon two pillows lest thy head pain thee, nor yet upon three pillows lest the sides and front of thy neck rise up also against thee and cause thee to sin with the sin of cursing about thy neck,

nor shalt thou lie upon thy side in any position other than this: that thy head be tilted neither toward the right nor toward the left, that thy neck be angled forward at no greater nor lesser an angle than the angle of precisely eleven degrees, no more, no less,

and that the pillow which thou sufferest to lie beneath the side of thy neck provideth neither too much support for thy spine, in being too hard, nor too little in being too soft,

nor shalt thou move unconsciously when thou assumest the state of unconsciousness lest thou transgress unknowingly against the strictures laid before thee heretofore and thus lead thyself once again into the sin of cursing, or into the sin of bitching, or into the sin of whining, or into the sin of parodying holy scripture, lest thou findest thyself in the hot place . . .

for verily I say unto you, THERE ARE NO PILLOWS IN HELL!